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| If I Put My Back Into It |
| 12.21.04 (8:25 pm) [edit] |
Christmas hurts.
It seems that everyone agrees with that comment. No body seems to actually like Christmas, except maybe lonely parents and grandparents. My grandmother loves it, but she's not lonely. She just loves to give stuff to her grandkids. I also think she likes quizing me on what I want.
But she promised, as soon as she wins the lotto, she's getting me that world peace I've always wanted.
I just finished shopping for my brothers. God dammit, I hate Christmas. No, that's a lie. I love the concept of Christmas. I hate the fact that I don't ever have enough money to even scratch at how much I love those two. Especially the littlest, a fifteen-year-old punk/skater, who I will call, "CJ". Despite the fact that there is no 'j' anywhere in his name.
I am not really a guy who cries easily, and I certainly never do it in public, but even the cashier at Fred Meyers asked if I was okay. I couldn't say anything. I just handed him my debit card, and he reluctantly pulled it through. I wonder if there's a policy against taking credit or atm cards from emotional customers.
I got home and inventoried the collection of items for the two people in this world that I love more than anything else in my life, and I almost decided not to go south for the holidays. I'm not a materialistic person, but I'm also not good at showing people how I feel about them. And, man, CJ can get on my nerves before I'd get the chance to start.
I hate being poor.
What's worse than being poor is hearing everyone tell me that I've got this magic musical meal ticket. I'm gonna be big. Avvy's going to be a rockstar, and I'll not ever have to worry about it again. It hurts, because, honestly, I feel it too. But IOUs aren't generally accepted during the holidays.
So, now CJ's got a cd that wants to be a new ps2, and a learn guitar book that wants to be a new guitar. And the DJ's got a game where he can have a car that runs and a home that isn't a shed. Because I'm not big yet.
I hate this.
--Avarice
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posted by: lunch pail (reply)
post date: 12.22.04 (4:24 pm)
That's ok, i bought CJ a guitar and DJ a house. No worries :)
I LIE, I don't have a penny either, i didn't buy anyone in my family gifts and i feel like an asshole :( :(
I will be getting some money 3 days after christmas so i'll get them a belated gift. It doesn't put a gift under the tree christmas morning though.
posted by: misskendy (reply)
post date: 12.29.04 (7:47 pm)
Hey Av..remember they have the best gift of all-- A brother who loves them. YOU CAN'T BUY THAT!!
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